Almost 2 weeks

My baby boy is almost 2 weeks old, I remember sitting in front of the computer two weeks ago today and thinking, tomorrow is the start of the end. I was scheduled to be induced on the 8th when I woke up at 7:30 am in labor.

I remember being so darn miserable because I was seriously over due and the doctors wouldn't do anything for me. I was a bear those last few weeks, I tried everything they suggested to kick start labor naturally and NOTHING worked. I tried walking, sex, pineapples, spicy foods (as spicy as I could handle) and nothing worked. I'm still curious if the Chinese I had for dinner the night before I went into labor had anything to do with it!!! Guess I'll never know now.

So in the first week my son was home he gained 5 ounces and went back up to his birth weight plus an ounce more. He's getting more and more alert every day - today he spent a good hour and a half just laying in my arms with his eyes wide open and smiling at me. Right now he's snoozing in his papason chair on his left side (just like mommy) cuddled under his soft blue blanket.

I'm counting down the days until I have to return to work, I have about 4 weeks left at home and its breaking my heart to think of how fast this time is slipping by. Before I know it I'll be back to the hustle and bustle of the work day wondering what my babies are doing.

I have so much to do before next weekend, my sitter is throwing me a baby shower for Mr. Man ( that's his nickname). I'm excited and a little hesitant at the same time, I don't want people thinking I'm fishing for presents becasue I'm not I just want to celebrate my son the same way we celebrated our daughter - with friends and family meeting this precious little person we created. I honestly wouldn't care if anyone brought a gift - I did a registry at BRU for the 10% discount that I got on items left, I need to get a 3rd car seat base and a bigger diaper bag - with 2 kids in diapers I need as much room in a bag that I can get :o)

It only took 10 days

I hit a wall today, I finally accepted that Mom will never hold her grandchildren. I knew in my heart that she'd never hold them but my mind finally let me know that too. I looked into my sons little face and just cried. He'll never know grandma's smell, voice or touch. The same things my daughter will never know.

I think what caused the breakdown was Hubby's class reunion is this weekend, he ask his parents to watch the kids for a couple of hours and they told him that they had a picnic to go to and that they couldn't watch them. Well in a couple of weeks my in-laws will be nagging that they don't get to spend much time with their grandchildren but it is what it is. I'd give anything to be able to call my mom and see if she could watch the kids for us.

I guess I just have different views on life and I'm not going to change them for anything. In the 10-years I've known my in-laws its always been this way.

I miss you mom, I wish you were here to hold your grandchildren and give them all the love you could possibly give.

Baby Blues

So I guess I have the baby blues, I cry over small things, most of them are nothing too earth shattering either. I cry because my sister didn't come visit me in the hospital, hubby thinks I'm crazy but it hurts that she didn't come see me and my son.

I cry because my grandma had something to do this evening and I couldn't go visit with her tonight.

I cry because my daughter is at that age where you have to talk to her a million and one times to get her to pick up her toys and finally the only way to get her to listen is threaten to take something away from her.

I cry because my husband has to work until 9:00pm every night and then has an hour commute on top of it.

I cry because I have to lure my dog in the house with a hot dog because I don't have the energy to fight with her.

I cry because my mom has never held either one of my children, she has never smelled them after a bath, she has never cuddled with them and read them a book. She's never laughed at something my daughter has said or done. She has never felt the warmth of their breath on her neck or the movement of their chest rising and falling as they sleep on you.

I cry because I miss my mom - I'm 28 years old and I want my mommy like a 5 year old on the first day of school. I want to know that its all okay that I'll be okay, that she is proud of me.

In a couple of days everything should be back to normal - well my new normal.

Finally!!!!

Its taken me several days (5 to be exact) to update. My son arrived on 09/08/08, weighing in at a whopping 8lbs 5oz and 19.25 inches long.

He's perfect in every single way, he reminds me so much of my daughter from looks to the little quirks.

Here's the run down on his birth, he was scheduled for eviction on the 8th, they were going to start with the gel and move on to pitocin if needed, I had anticipated his arrival for the 9th or 10th. I've been fighting a cold for the last week and about 2:00am on Monday morning I started coughing then I got this sharp pain around my pelvic bone, I said to hubby "boy this is going to be fun, a head cold and a pulled muscle for labor". I went back to bed and continued coughing off and on for the remainder of the night, while I coughed I'd get the same sharp pain. At 7:30 am I woke up from a sound sleep with more frequent pains so I timed them. The more I walked and did stuff around the house the more intense the pains got eventually stopping me in my tracks. So I called the OB's office to tell them I was in labor and induction was not needed.

I got to the hospital around 10:00am and was admitted at 4 cm and 100% effaced. I labored in the jacuzzi tub and finally got out and requested the epidural, at 3:40pm my son was born.

I'm still adjusting to life with 2 kids but hey its only been 5 days and I figured eventually I'll become a pro and I'll figured out how to feed the baby and bathe my daughter at the same time.

Eviction in 2 days

So I'm scheduled to be induced next week. I'm ready, I'm done with this pregnancy, I've been sick and in pain for the last few weeks. Now my focus is a healthy baby.

As I laid in bed this morning with my daughter and husband I realized never again will we have a Saturday morning where its just the three of us in our cozy bed. Never again is it going to be the three of us cuddled under the blankets watching Spongebob Squarepants. Next Saturday we can have the same thing - all of us cuddled under the blankets with SpongeBob on TV but there will be a 4th person with us our son and Baby Brudder.

Its bittersweet to think about it - our family is growing and changing and we're getting bigger but its never going to be just the 3 of us again - and that's okay. A wise woman used to tell me "there's always room for one more" - I just wish that my great Grandma was here today to meet her Great-Great Grandchildren.

I was laying across the bed coughing this morning, it was one of those cough out your left lung attacks, and my husband was lying behind me when our daughter just walked up and clobbered him across the nose and eye. I don't know if she thought that daddy was hurting me or what but at that moment everything hit me....nothing is going to be the same again!

During my coughing jag I realized my mom will never meet her grandson, her granddaughter or sit with me when he crys. I can never call her for advice or just because. So I sat in the middle of my cozy bed crying hysterical because I can never have my mom back - not even for a second.

Well I'm off to shower and shave - don't want the doctor touching hairy legs when they induce :o)

Still no baby

I had a check-up today and the news is the same, he's not coming out yet.



I'm tired, I need sleep without pain, I need to be able to reach my feet without getting winded. I need to hold my son in my arms.



I'm just in a funk today, after the appointment I left and went into work, I cried hard the 10 mintues it takes me to get from the OB to my office. I managed to pull myself together long enough to walk into the office look at the sweet lady that is filling in for me and to the bathroom where it all came tumbling down again.



Why can't I get through my doctors head that my labor had to be induced with my daughter, I was 2cm and 50% for a week with her when they induced, I had my membranes stripped and nothing - she received her eviction papers and gladly joined us a couple of days later.



This guy - he's taken up shop and I think locked-up too, I've been 2cm 50% effaced for a week, my membranes have been stripped 3 times and nada.



On day he'll come.

It came and passed!!!

Well my due date was here and it passed, I'm still sitting in this chair very pregnant and ready to deliver. My husband is the calm one, I call his cell phone to give him an update every few hours so he knows all is well and the second his cell rings his boss is on the edge of his seat waiting for the "I gotta go - its time". I think its funny that a man I've met 5 times in 3 years is more paranoid about me going into labor than my own husband, maybe because Hubby and I have a "Plan", one call its nothing - just an update, 2 calls answer the phone something important that I need you for or if I call the showroom just pack up and run :o)

I was reading through my Working Mom Support Thread and they were all hoping that no update from me in the last 24 hours meant baby time - so I had to disappointment them by saying "I'm here - still".

I'm feeling pretty decent today, with the exception of mild cramping, dull lower back ache and feet in the ribs :o), I'm wondering if this is the calm before the storm they talk about!

I sat down last night and made a grocery list for hubby so if this child decides to come out he can still get us food, we're running low since I used the grocery money to pay a bill that was almost past due (oops) and I ordered pizza from my co-workers nephew so hubby had something quick to eat while I was in the hospital or just home from the hospital.

My neighbors are driving me crazy, I have a weird back door - I think its really a front door though. It has a small window at the very top of it and my neighbors kitchen window is even with this window so when I open my door I can see their kitchen and if they are in there. Well last week I was making dinner and I felt like someone was watching me, I turned around and there is my neighbor standing at whatever is in her kitchen looking into my kitchen. Now I HATE being watched so I shut my back door and hung up dish towels so they can't see in. Geesh whatever happened to privacy!

Apparently these neighbors don't care about privacy or anything that comes along with it. I mean they get drunk and will scream and fight with each other for hours on end at 3:00am, then think that hubby and I reported them to the local PD - HELLO stupid I'm not attached to you I can't hear you screaming unless the windows are opened and since I have no desire to hear what you two are fighting about and I enjoy getting my daughter to bed and having her sleep all night long I leave my windows closed.

Guess that was just another crazed rant that I needed to get off my chest.

Well I'm off to visit with family - after all I don't think my son is coming today either :o)